


Yeah, That Seems About Right For Retail.

by TheNsfwAccount



Category: Bee Movie (2007), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Retail, Everybody Lives, Hallucinations, Jotaro's a bee so, M/M, lots of metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 14:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11106312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNsfwAccount/pseuds/TheNsfwAccount
Summary: I made a mistake and now Noriaki Kakyoin must s u f f e r.





	Yeah, That Seems About Right For Retail.

**Author's Note:**

> Mistakes have been made.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. It's wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway, because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

 

Bees also apparently didn’t care about all known laws of logic, reality, and mother nature because  _ what the fuck was happening right then. _

 

Noriaki stared at the bee hovering in front of him (which would have been alarming in itself, since he was allergic) because he looked like some demented fucking cartoon character brought to life. It had bulging humanlike eyes that stared up at him from a sickeningly yellow bee face, arms with spindly mutant fingers on each end crossed over the long black coat it wore. It was unnerving, to say the least, and even more unnerving when he noticed that it was scowling at him. It looked like some shitty OC a nine year old drew on MsPaint. It looked like Jerry Seinfeld’s rejected kinky beesona. It looked like some shitty parody a gross sweaty teenager would write given bee form.

 

_ Kinda hot, _ Noriaki thought to himself before wanting to bash his face into the wall until his brains were dashed out because what the fuck. What the Fuck. He was just going to blame that shit on the residual smell of weed off that last customer leaving its mark and resumed just staring at this captivatingly horrific natural abomination.

 

“Your hair pisses me off.”

 

Noriaki jumped when he heard that voice, head whipping around to locate the source because there was no way such a deep, loud fucking voice came from a  _ bee _ . That was the kind of voice that, if attached to a guy’s body, would have Noriaki swooning into the wetness pooling in his junk and trying to get a hook up. Hallucinations aside, he  _ refused  _ to believe that a bee could have any kind of voice like that, let alone a voice he could have found sexy in any way shape or form. It was like being into laying eggs or some shit- it just wasn’t something that any sane human being wanted.

 

But no. It came from the bee because of course. 

 

“... Why?” He had to ask, since apparently this was happening, and the bee was speaking to him like a human would. 

 

“It looks black but it isn’t really black is it. Reminds me of shit.” Wow, this bee had an attitude problem for someone who looked like the product of Cheerios and Hot Topic cross-marketing. For a moment, Noriaki thought about Honey Nut Cheerios and Hot Topic working together, then got stuck on the Honey Nut part before recoiling and just deciding to repress the hell out of this experience later with a shit ton of alcohol.

 

“Okay, that’s. Fine. Please leave.” Noriaki said as politely as possible as a customer walked in, saw the talking bee, stared for a few moments and then walked back out like any sensible person would. Whether all his sensibilities were thrown out the window by working this shitty retail job or not were up for debate. 

 

“I can’t.” The bee admitted, muttering ‘yare yare’ despite being a honeybee and despite this being the middle of Florida. “If I do, the escape I made from my hive and that piece of shit Queen will be for nothing or whatever. Honestly there’s probably some contrived bullshit plot device involving illegal honey smuggling, a voring wasp and a spoon but honestly, Queen Dio was just ugly as fuck.” Bees had a concept of vore?

 

Okay, not the thing to focus on, but still.

 

“... Oooooookay.” Noriaki said, slowly reaching for his phone. If he got a picture and it was real, he could at least post it online and maybe get a couple more likes on his tumblr so people could have a look at his blog and reblog his art. Ha, as if. In what kind of happy kids cartoon universe did anyone on tumblr reblog art from people?

 

“If you take any pictures I’ll fucking sting you.” 

 

“Won’t that kill you?”

 

“I’ll be dead in like a week anyway so that probably doesn’t matter?”

 

Why did the bee sound just as confused as Noriaki did? Well, whatever the case, he was allergic, so he resigned himself to just knowing that bees could apparently talk and have conversations with humans if they looked just enough like the excrement from a Dreamworks project. No one would ever believe him anyway, so the most he could do is post this on tumblr and wait for the inevitable response of “it’s true i was the bee” to roll in.

 

Still, he’d have an allergic reaction if he was stung, so best not to have that happen.

 

Then, the bee did a sudden 180, as if every single bit of personality it had shown up to that point was thrown out the window like some weird fanfiction and Noriaki got asked out by a fucking bee.

 

There was a beat of silence.

 

“I’m gonna need to be way less sober before I can get an answer to you on that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Would you believe it if i said this isnt the first bee movie au ive written


End file.
